WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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