so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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