just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
