She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
