Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
