Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
