Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
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