if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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