Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
