I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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