If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Your dad touched me again.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
