I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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