it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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