is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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