So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
