I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
