No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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