You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
