I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
