I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
