So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
