I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
