just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
