i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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