so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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