help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
