Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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