i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
