Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
