I'd wear matching sweaters with you
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
