"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
