no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Randomize
