listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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