Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
