i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
