your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
