So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
