Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
