My hair reeks of homosexuality.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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