I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
