I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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