wakey wakey hands off snakey
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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