How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
