i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm bleeding and have questions
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
