we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
