He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
should my penis look like a turkey
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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