I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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