I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
