Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
