I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
