I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
