Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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